Overwhelmed, and I miss my camera

Too. Much. Schoolwork. 

Ugh. 

Which is why this will be uber-short...

I miss my digital camera. It is really weird to not have anything you are used to having, and have had, for years...

Like, ALL my stuff.

I actually made some real "meal-type things" today (I was way too proud of myself for that, hehe), and I wished I could add some "oomph" to this blog (everyone knows blogs without pictures are boring). 

Usually, I just snack all day-- with the exception of lunch, because I have to pack that. 

I'm working on my eating habits...I'm pretty healthy, but I definitely could do better.

No gym today, and that made it pooier.

Oh, and I dropped my cell phone in the toilet (seriously), not sure how, and now it is flipping out and doesn't work. I am hoping that plugging it in will help.

Oh dang, how will I sat an alarm tomorrow? Ah well. 

Ok, seriously need to study Arabic; I have a test tomorrow. 

It's frickin' hard! 

Happy Tuesday? I thought it was Wednesday for a minute a while ago, and I got all excited...oh well.

I've had worse Mondays

Today wasn't amazing. I am feeling a little overwhelmed by my schoolwork (another long story, but the short version is that a LOT of crap happened to our family this year, and I have also missed school due to illness quite a bit. Was this winter really bad, cold/virus wise, for anyone else?). 

However, I actually made it to the gym this morning! I am slowly working on running again, for a while there I was either sick or injured so I haven't been doing it as much as I'd like to. The weather is improving-- maybe son it will be warm enough for a jog outside!! :)

Well, I can't think of anything else to say at the moment, so I guess I'll jump into the tale of the steaming pile of poo that is my school career. 

When I left for my ED treatment freshman year of high school, I got a little behind, but not too bad. I could have finished that up in summer school. But then I decided that " I wasn't ready" to go back to public school the next year, so I self-taught. Alone. In the library, every day. It sucked. It also was really bad for my recovery, too, because I was so isolated. It was also tough because there were no teachers-- I had to read the books and do the work all by myself. I suffer from un-motivated-ness when it comes to schoolwork, so I didn't finish it all.

Then, when I decided to come back the next year, I was severely behind.

So, I had to finish English, and a whole math course-- which I did. Then, on January 5 of this year, my house burnt down. (That's a whole other story. ) Yep. Awesome. And guess what was in my room? Yep. My math. And my backpack. And my ROOM.

So we had to live in a hotel for a while, and now we are renting a temporary house near town. 

I missed school (a week and a bit) for that too, so I am more behind. Then I got sick twice, and got more behind. ARG. 

Oh, and then the school tells me that "I never finished Civics and World Issues" (both sophmore classes--I'm a senior), though they said before that I had, so now I have to take those classes too, and I feel very awkward. Ah, whatever.

So what do I do instead of homework? I go online. *smacks self* hehe.

Yeah, so I should probably go do that.  :)

I feel like such a cliche...

Wow, ok, so here's my blog. Haha, I am laughing at myself even for starting one.

I guess....I just want a place to record my attempts at being happy, and healthy, and generally working on myself.

I could just write in a journal, but if it's public I guess I am more accountable for my failures and successes.

Happy Easter everyone!

I am by no means religious, AT ALL, but a holiday is always nice.

Stuff about me:

I am 18 years old, and a senior in high school. When I was younger, I had a series of experiences that really shaped my life, so I want to put them down here.

I always felt chubby as a kid. I was, but I wasn't severely overweight (at 11 or 12, I was 5'4" and 155 lbs.) When you are surrounded by skinny, judgmental, preadolescent children, it can be tough on the psyche. 

When I was 14, I became anorexic, pretty severely, and had to be hospitalized. At 5'7", my lowest weight was (briefly) 85 lbs. I went in on October 20, 2004, and I got out of the hospital psych ward a few weeks later. I was pretty fucked up though, and made worse by the psych ward,which had no section for anorexic teens, just general "nuttiness", haha. So, I had to go back. After weeks and weeks of waiting, a spot in McLean's Eating Disorder ward opened up and I was sent there. (I had to be sedated to be put in the car to go, I seriously flipped out.). 

That place, while better than the psych ward, wasn't really much help, as I am the type of person who is so stubborn she will shoot herself in the foot just to get her way. 

So, it just took time. They made me eat and gain weight, and once I did and was released, I lost it all again and started real recovery, my way. It was extremely slow. I was in the 90#-range for about a year, and my mother, bless her, was so patient, even though I must have scared the shit out of her. 

So, slowly, I recovered, and gained weight, and for about 2 years now, I have been really really un-anorexic, lol.

I am 118-120 lbs, still thin, but healthy. 

I love to exercise, (running especially) but not too much, and I love to eat. I have some unhealthy habits, but they are in no way anorexic ones. In fact, I have issues with eating too much at times. 

I think part of the reason I got my ED is because (I have recently realized) I have had a chemical imbalance that has made me depressed almost my whole life. My dad has it too.

So, finally, I got so fed up I went to a therapist/psychiatrist who prescribed me Prozac, which I have been on for almost 2 weeks now. I notice a dramatic difference. I feel...lighter. Happy, for no reason. I never felt happy before. I feel like things can be fun, and I have more physical and emotional energy. 

I am NOT a fan of drugs. I only want this to be temporary. However, I couldn't live the way I was anymore. I was so unhappy, and isolated, and depressed...

But I have hope now, and I want to live a REAL life.

There's always room for improvement. :)

There is so much more about me that I think anyone who needs to understand the goal of this blog needs to know, but I will write more later.

Hopefully this blog will become more interesting (and more picture-ful) in the near future (I need to get a digital camera).

Happy Easter, and happy spring, everyone! :)